Coherent Insanity: Underrated sports

By Patrick Fleming
On April 6, 2017

Sports are a major part of American life, but because there are so many different sports, there are quite a few amazing ones that do not get as much attention as they deserve.

So, of course, I decided that it is my duty to inform you all about these breathtaking and even beautiful sports.

*NOTE FROM THE RAM PAGE: WE’VE LOOKED INTO IT. THESE SPORTS ARE NOT REAL AND IN MOST CASES, SHOULD NEVER, EVER EVEN BE HOPED TO BE REAL. IF YOU FIND YOURSELF WANTING TO COMPETE IN ANY OF THEM, SEEK PSYCHIATRIC ATTENTION IMMEDIATELY*

1.) Extreme Nascar Kickboxing: Kickboxing is a fantastic sport where two people are given the ability to beat the tar out of each other while Nascar is racing cars, which is… okay, I guess.

Yet, it is when these sports are combined that we see their true potential.

However, the extreme hybrid includes two people fighting while on top of a moving car. This moving car is driving in the opposite direction of traffic for 80 miles, racing against two other cars, each with their own two fighters on top of them.

The winners are the drivers who make first place and the fighters who beat their opponents.

2.) Competitive fireworks skydiving: Most people would assume that skydiving is a scary/extreme enough sport on its own.

These people are known as "cowards." 

This competition involves people jumping from airplanes, much like regular skydiving.

However, this becomes even more intense when people then start shooting fireworks into the sky.

The skydivers then have to dodge these fireworks while falling from these extreme heights.

This is especially exciting for those who are watching because, for one, there is an exciting fireworks display, and two, they get to watch people successfully land using a parachute.

3.) Baseball Roast Battle: Now, this is much like regular baseball, except the players from the opposite teams are also required to utterly and hilariously insult each other for the entire game.

If the person up to bat manages to insult the pitcher so bad that he starts to cry before he can strike him out, that is considered a home run.

However, if the pitcher manages to insult the batter just right before he can hit the ball that is considered "A SICK BURN!" and they are kicked off the sport forever.

Now, in regular baseball, there are usually children in the stands paying close attention to each player. This will be no different, because it will teach children that even the toughest adult cries when their mother’s weight is brought into question.

4.) Football and the circus: Now I’ll admit that football is one of the more exciting sports, but it can be made even better.

Most of the rules remain, except that instead of normal football players, they are replaced with members of the circus.

Kickers are now clowns who squirt people while lion tamers desperately try to keep the lions away from the quarterback who has to juggle three footballs into the end zone.

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